Growing moonbows are never easy, it takes a dash of hope, a sprinkle of magic and a bucket full of madness. This is the story of J, a series of letters written while on the rollercoaster of pregnancy.
We have got to 24 weeks! I have been listening to your heartbeat each night before going to bed since the doppler came, so waking up this morning I wasn’t feeling as anxious to not find you bouncing around inside at the scan. I worked from home before setting off to see you again. We got there and booked in, then went for a scan. We got to see you and you were chewing; it was so cute! Your measurements were good, so we went down to the clinic to be seen by the Consultant.
This is where everything changed !
I went to give a sample of urine like I did every time and noticed some blood, so when I saw the Consultant, I mentioned it. He decided to check to make sure it is nothing to worry about, when he did, he noticed some changes to my cervix, so felt he wanted that checked via a scan. He explained that it seemed that it had started funneling, but it may be that the top part is closed and nothing to worry about. He drew a picture to explain what he was telling me, then went out to find someone to scan me.
He came back within a few minutes because my recurrent miscarriage consultant was out waiting for a patient that didn’t show up, so she would scan me. Up I went to be scanned again, I had so many emotions going through my head. I went into the scan room and she took a look, it didn’t take very long at all and she explained that my cervix was opening and then printed some pictures. She asked Daddy and I to sit in this other room while she went to speak to my obstetrics consultant to agree on what to do next, but I would definitely need to stay in the hospital for your safety.
Waiting for her to return my mind was filled with so many thoughts;
- Are you going to be ok?
- What does this fully mean?
- What is going to happen next?
She came back in after what felt like forever and explained that my cervix was 1 to 2 cms dilated and has started to shorten. This meant my body was getting ready to deliver you and the waters were bulging, so I was admitted to the delivery ward. This would enable them to give me steroids to help with your lungs should you be born, and my sugars would need monitoring too. Once they give me the course of steroids, they would put a stitch in to hold you in there if they could, but if the waters go they would have to deliver you.
I was so scared for you, but Daddy got to stay with me which I was so glad of. They started the steroids and some medication to slow things down to hopefully prevent you from coming just yet. I haven’t had any sleep cause they need to check my sugars every hour.
Stay in there please baby, you’re not ready yet to be born.
You are still inside for now!
The neonatal doctors came in to talk to us the day after they admitted me, to explain that having you this early you had a chance but it wasn’t good, but each day you stayed inside the chance of you making it increased a lot. I wanted you to stay in till when they were going to deliver you at 38 weeks, I was told the stitch they will put in may give you a day or may give you 3 weeks inside but chances are you will be born inside 3 weeks.
At 25 weeks pregnant, I had finished the steroids course, so I was prepared for theatre for the stitch. When trying to do a spinal anesthetic they struggled to get a needle in to numb me and nearly had to put me fully to sleep which I didn’t want. Eventually, after a few tries, they were successful and told me that I wouldn’t be able to have an epidural in labour.
I’ve got dodgy joints so warned them my hip may dislocate, which turned out to be true as they lifted my legs into the stirrups but it didn’t bother me, I couldn’t feel it! I said for them not to worry about it and just see to the stitch first. My consultant came in to put the stitch in, and she did successfully with no broken waters. I breathed a sigh of relief. The orthopedic Doctor came in and said it looks like it’s slotted back in but to be sure they wanted to x-ray my hip, I said no and just to wait till I could feel my legs and I would be able to tell. I wasn’t going to risk you at all.
I spent a couple of days on the antennal ward after the stitch went in and then was discharged to your aunty’s place because it was closer.
I was just happy you were still in there safe and sound for now!
A few days later I was back at the hospital to check everything with the stitch was holding, and while getting scanned, your Aunty got to see you for the first time, she was happy. The stitch was holding so far
Today we are 26 + 3 Weeks and I have come home, I wanted to sleep in my own bed and was feeling ok. I’m back at the hospital in 2 days for my next appointment.
Stay put little man please ! I love you