Supporting through Miscarriage – Please don’t tell me that.

Supporting through miscarriage - fi

In that single moment when you find out you have lost your tiny baby growing inside of you, is devastating. Your world feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces and you feel along. 

When you find the strength to talk about what you are going through, it can be met with some kind-hearted but ill thought out comments of support. Those words can actually achieve the opposite.

Supporting through Miscarriage – Please don’t tell me

Miscarriage is so emotionally painful and isolating, not to mention the physical pain. Talking about it is hard but a step in the right direction. Sadly miscarriage is still hidden and seems to still be a taboo subject, so when a friend reaches out, knowing what to say is hard. I get that but really it’s more about being there to listen, lean on and a support.

Just please don’t:

  • Tell me I’m still young and have time.  How do you know?
  • Tell me it’s common or spout statistics. I’m not a statistic, it’s happening to me right now and it’s  hell.
  • Tell me there was probably something wrong with the baby. It will make me feel even more defective.
  • Say that it will be ok next time. How do you know there will be a next time?
  • It just wasn’t meant to be. It was a life I was growing, not a lottery ticket or a job interview.

We know it happens, most people didn’t even know we were pregnant . We knew there was a possibility but that horrible possibility has just came to be. 

Just be there, listen, help me grieve and don’t expect me to be strong. Also bring chocolate, lots of chocolate. 

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