Today when I was at work, I noticed half way through the day my hand was bare. My wedding ring was no longer on my finger. I panicked. Luckily, when I rang Dave he found it on the landing. Although at the same time it gave me flash backs to the time I lost so much in one day. It reminded me that time heals but you never forget.
It’s amazing that one thing can trigger memories and affect your mood. That moment I looked at my hand while washing it and realised my wedding ring was missing brought back a flood of memories. The ring that was missing was not the ring that Dave put on my finger the day we got married. That went missing a number of years ago.
The day I lost my wedding and engagement rings, was a day I lost so much more.
Miscarriage is something that never leaves you, you never forget. Sometimes an event brings back all the emotions like it has just happened, today was was one of them days. Over 7 years ago, I was at home going through the nightmare of a miscarriage again. I was fooling myself thinking I was holding it together, then I realised both my engagement and wedding ring were no longer on my finger. It broke me and in that moment I felt my world was falling apart.
The rings were silver, and were not expensive but they had so much sentimental value, but in that moment I had lost my baby and the two pieces of jewellery that symbolised my marriage. Everything seemed to be crumbling around me.
After a couple of days the physical pain subsided, the emotional pain was another story. It took what felt like forever, to feel like I could face the days again. In the moment, you wonder if you will ever cope, but you do. For our next anniversary Dave brought me a new silver ring to wear on my ring finger.
I have had to tell myself a number of times today, that it’s OK that it has become raw again. Yes it was over 7 years ago but I will never forget my babies I didn’t get to hold. There will be times in my life, triggers that will bring the raw emotions back, but I need to accept this and not try and bury it, as time may heal but you never forget.