Growing moonbows are never easy, it takes a dash of hope, a sprinkle of magic and a bucket full of madness. This is the story of J, a series of letters written while on the rollercoaster of pregnancy.
Appointment with the Consultant!
My recurrent Miscarriage Consultant seen me today, she likes to see all her patients and do an in-depth scan with them, I was just happy I got to see you again and see if you were safe and ok in there. She scanned me and let me listen to your heartbeat. Your heartbeat was the most wonderful sound, Daddy even recorded it on his phone.
She then looked at the blood flow to make sure you getting everything you need. It was such a wonderful appointment, you are so beautiful but wouldn’t keep still for a decent photo for her to give me!
Driving home all I could think of was that we had made it, you and me to over 12 weeks ! I have decided to keep my care down at the Manchester hospital as I feel so supported and feel like this is the best thing for you too. The 2 hour round trip is tiring and long but it is worth it, if there is a chance I could hold you.
Booking in Appointment!
All I could think while driving to my booking in appointment was oh my I have finally got to this point, so many times I have had to cancel my booking in appointment but now it’s here and you are still there safely inside. When we got to the hospital we booked in at the reception and went for our scan. You were looking so perfect, your heart beating well, and we decided we didn’t want to have the downs test. We wouldn’t do anything different if you had downs, you are our baby and we would love you and care for you no matter what!
After the scan we went down and seen our midwife, going through all the questions and the blood tests and such. When I told her that I was born with a congenital problem of gastroschisis, she said she had delivered some babies with it, but I’m the first lady shes cared for when pregnant that was born with it.
I left the appointment feeling elevated beyond belief, a feeling that can compare to nothing else. We have hit a milestone, you and me.
Second Trimester here we come! – I never thought in a million years I would be able to write that!
You and me have done it!
16 weeks of pregnancy, and you are still here growing bigger each time. I have to pinch myself as I can’t believe it!
I have never got this far in pregnancy before and here we are. To help me cope with the anxiety of losing you, I have set myself little goals and this one we have just smashed. We got to see you today and you are so lively bouncing around in there, I keep expecting to wake up and it be all a dream. My midwife is very happy with my sugars and how things are progressing.
I went out on a shopping trip with my friend to look for all the lovely things I want to buy for you. I now have a list of things, although I can’t bring myself to buy anything just yet, as I don’t want to jinx anything.
We have our anomaly scan booked in 4 weeks, that’s our next goal to smash.
In hospital Again!
We have just spent the last week in hospital, my sight went all blurry and started getting migraines so off I went to the local hospital who after seeing me, told me to ring my midwife on the Monday. When I rang her, she spoke to my Diabetologist, they asked me to go down to the Manchester hospital and A&E would be expecting me. Little did I know I would spend a whole week down there.
While I was in hospital, all that I could think about was you. I hope you are ok in there, They were worried it could be a bleed on my brain so they did a scan. Once they ruled out a bleed, they suspected that I had too much pressure around my brain so wanted to do a lumbar puncture. As I have damage to my back, they tried a couple of times but wasn’t successful.
So I decided to go for a bit of a walk so I could ring your Daddy at home, when I got to the ward doors, one of the care workers asked if I ok and said “Oh I don’t like lumber punctures it caused me to miscarry a baby.” she didn’t know you were inside me when she said that. That news sent me into a flood of tears and worry, but the hospital was good and sent for one of the midwives from the labour ward to come. When she came I got to hear your heart beating away at 152 beats per minute
The following day the doctors came and gave me a choice, either try again to do the lumbar puncture or leave it and wait to see if the headaches go away after you are born. I wanted to know what it was, but you are far more important and don’t want to risk you at all. I made the choice to wait, and the doctors we happy I could go home
Just before I was going home my midwife came to visit me and I got to hear your heartbeat one last time, I spoke to them about getting a doppler to help my anxiety now I’m so far along. With your Aunty on the end of the phone, we decided if it will help with my stress, it will be best for you. I’ve ordered it now
We got to see you safe and sound inside today. Each time I see you are doing well I feel my hope that you will stay safe growing. You are such a wanted and loved little baby!
We have made it! We are at 20 +5 weeks. I was happy to be going to the hospital today, I listened to your heartbeat before going. This scan we would find out if everything seems ok with you and hopefully find out if you’re a boy or a girl!
We went in and Sonographer started to look at you, but you were not co-operating. She kept trying to see all the bits of you she needed to. After giving it a good go asked me to get up and move around a little to get you to move. I walked up and down, then laid back down so she could continue to look at you. Once she was happy you were growing normally, she asked us if we know if you’re a boy or a girl, we said no but we would like to. She said that from what she can see, she thinks you are a boy! Although we didn’t care what gender you were, as long as you were healthy.
Now we have hit 20 weeks, my next scan will be at 24 weeks and this made me a bit nervous. You are always on my mind, I love you so much. All I want for you was for you to flourish, be happy and know your loved
Daddy and I went to Sainsbury’s and seen a little top that said Daddy + Me = Trouble, Daddy really wanted to get it. I was scared to jinx things, but we ended up buying it.